Thanks to my great friend Conny, here is her amazing rendition:

No word in any known language can depict my great astonishment. I was literally struck dumb; with no other witness before me but myself in all the great wide world of science and technology.
Mechanically I wandered about, feeling the shock and surprise grow. Never to my knowledge had I ever experienced anything like this.
But, I soon asked myself, how had I missed the signs? There could be no doubt it had happened to others in the situation in which I now was. Now I began to fear the end of the perilous journey which started when last I heard from Tom.
It so happened that when I threw an old book in anger, I did not anticipate the revenge of the librarian.
It was now quite clear that when pressed, another guest must have squealed, and that I had unconsciously teleported. To what century? Where to?
How to explain! My ancestors left no signs on the walls. My temples throbbed with pain as I _contemplated the quandary. My situation, after analysis, had finally to be summed up in three short words —
I was screwed!!!

I wrote the following passage entitled “Faux Pas.”

No recitation in any acceptable form can depict my mortification. I was literally rendered speechless; with no other recourse before me but regret in all the communally shared horror of mistakes and faux pas.
Mechanically I cast about, feeling the glares and muttered chastisements. Never to my recollection had I ever witnessed anything so distressing.
But, I solemnly asked myself, how had I botched the task? There could be no doubt it had escalated to end in the pickle in which I now was. Now I began to review the steps of the simple preparations which eluded me when last I recovered from shame.
It so happened that when I posed an innocent question in earnest, I did not comprehend the severity of the misunderstood directive.
It was now quite evident that when reconsidered, another response must have been uttered, and that I had unconsciously misheard. To what end? Where now?
How to make amends! My error left no signs on the path ahead. My temples throbbed with pain as I relinquished the cup. My situation, after reflection, had finally to be summed up in three humiliating words—
“CREAM, NOT LEMON!!!”

And here is the actual passage from Chapter 24 of Jules Verne’s Journey to the Center of the Earth:

No words in any human language can depict my utter despair. I was literally buried alive; with no other expectation before me but to die in all the slow horrible torture of hunger and thirst.
Mechanically I crawled about, feeling the dry and arid rock. Never to my fancy had I ever felt anything so dry.
But, I frantically asked myself, how had I lost the course of the flowing stream? There could be no doubt it had ceased to flow in the gallery in which I now was. Now I began to understand the cause of the strange silence which prevailed when last I tried if any appeal from my companions might perchance reach my ear.
It so happened that when I first took an imprudent step in the wrong direction, I did not perceive the absence of the all-important stream.
It was now quite evident that when we halted, another tunnel must have received the waters of the little torrent, and that I had unconsciously entered a different gallery. To what unknown depths had my companions gone? Where was I?
How to get back! Clue or landmark there was absolutely none! My feet left no signs on the granite and shingle. My brain throbbed with agony as I tried to discover the solution of this terrible problem. My situation, after all sophistry and reflection, had finally to be summed up in three awful words—
Lost! LOST!! LOST!!!

Advertisements